The Subtle Destruction of Envy

Envy makes us resent people who have something we don’t have.

It feeds on itself and is ultimately self-destructive.

When we allow envy into our hearts, the very people who are loving, safe, and generous can suddenly become “the bad guys” in our eyes. It twists our perception and poisons relationships.

Envy can best be defined as a tendency to despise others for having what we want. It whispers, “What is inside me is bad; what is outside me is good—and I dislike anyone who has what I desire.” Of course, we rarely admit to that kind of “hate,” but envy hides beneath the surface, quietly doing its damage.

Jesus addressed this in the parable of the workers in the vineyard (see Matthew 20—not 22). Remember the story? Those who worked all day resented those who received the same pay after working only an hour. The lesson is clear: envy makes generosity sound unfair.

Love, on the other hand, is its opposite.

Scripture tells us, “Love does not envy… but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:4,6).

Envy is at the root of betrayal.

When Jesus stood before Pilate, the Bible says the chief priests had handed Him over out of envy.

They couldn’t stand that He carried more love, authority, and purity within Him than they did.

“Do you want me to release to you the king of the Jews?” asked Pilate, knowing it was out of envy that the chief priests had handed Jesus over to him. But the chief priests stirred up the crowd to have Pilate release Barabbas instead.”—Mark 15:9–11

Envy blinds us to goodness—it calls love a threat and generosity unfair.

Recognizing Unsafe Relationships

One important sign of an unsafe relationship is when people constantly pursue things to make themselves happy. Over time, I’ve learned that ignoring this warning sign can lead to painful experiences.

In my own life, I’ve had both safe and unsafe relationships. A common pattern in the unsafe ones was this: people tried to fill their inner emptiness with material pursuits. They wanted something they thought I had—peace, stability, or joy—and it became a point of resentment instead of connection.

Choosing Gratitude Over Envy

The antidote to envy is gratitude.

Ask God to help you be thankful and content with what you have. When we live in thankfulness, we stop measuring ourselves against others and start celebrating the grace that’s already at work in our own lives.